PFB’s Guide to Travel

Traveling is something that people have to do on a daily basis. Some people travel across state lines. Some people probably go to the store. Others might go to Russia. Wherever you’re travels take you, you’ll definitely have to eat something some of the time. And for that reason, I present PFB’s Guide to Travel.

First off, eat all the food. Vacation time is NOT a time to torture yourself with self-imposed “health rules.” Vacations lower people’s risk of heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and pregnancy. You’re already doing your body a favor, so why do a double negative and eat healthy too?

Second, avoid horrible nasty awful fast food. When you travel, your fellow travel mates will probably want to eat at questionable fast food restaurants in order to save “time/money.” While choosing a fast food joint, remember that eating is meant for enjoyment and not simply to “cure hunger.” As such, you must make sure that the fast food you eat is more food than fast food. Below is a list of fast food that I approve of (note that some of these establishments can only be found in certain geologic locations):

  • Carl’s Junior’s
  • Subway’s
  • A&W’s
  • In-N-Out’s
  • JCW’s
  • Chipotle’s
  • Krispy Kreme’s

    Third, eat as much as possible. If you’re visiting someone, part of being a good guest is eating as much of the host’s food as possible. A nice way to say, “Thank you, I appreciate your love/attention/presence/food,” is to eat everything available to you to eat. If that means you have to eat two bowls of cereal, an egg sandwich, a Pop-Tart, and eight pancakes for breakfast; a sloppy joe, chips, veggies, and dip for lunch; steak, taters, corn, beans, and ice cream for dinner; followed by an all-you-can-eat buffet, then so be it. If, by the end of your vacation, you don’t feel like this, you’re doing something wrong:

    Next time you travel, keep these things in mind. It’ll help you make friends, enemies, and everyone else along the way. And don’t forget the number one rule of vacasheaux: Do not distrupt!

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