I hit a wall and ate it

So last year, BYU tore down Outdoors Unlimited on campus and built a restaurant called The Wall.

First off, I’m a bit split about Outdoors Unlimited being torn down. It was nice to have that store because there was an automatic air pump outside that I used to pump up my bike tires. Butt I never actually went inside, so it was kind of useless if you get down to it.

Whoa. I’m typing this on the first floor of the BYU library and there’s this lady making tons of copies with a photocopier. Am I allowed to use the photocopier? Holy cow.

So BYU built a restaurant called “The Wall” to fill in the empty space. Initially, I was hesitant about the whole thing because it reminded me of when the Awful Waffle relocated to the crazappy new location in The Village (now I never want to go there because of all the clean fashion people I could potentially see … with the exception of Noah Robins). The Wall felt like it was trying to give off the hipster vibe of We’re-a-hole-in-the-wall-but-also-we’re-super-popular-and-make-our-employees-wash-their-hands. So it didn’t feel authentic, I guess.

Anyway, but I went there and, even though it does give off a little bit of a fake-hipster aura, I think it’s one of the classiest places to hang in Provo, especially if you put its food in your mouth.

I was there to listen to the legit sweetsick band Tri-Polar Bear (tripolarbearisthebestbandeverjointhearmy) play and to hang with some of my best bud friends.

I was feeling a little bit of a hungry, but I didn’t know what to order for food. Luckily, my old roommate’s wife’s sister works there, so I didn’t have to break social norms and talk to someone I don’t know. I said, “Hey, Marley! What’s good to eat here?” (I had to shout because the music was too loud. #halfofmehatesliveconcerts) She said, “Get the Wall Burger. It’s really good.” (She was also shouting.) So I did.

The Wall Burger is the best burger I’ve ever put in my mouth on BYU campus. There’s nothing super fancy about it, it’s just put together very well (like a classy lady). The patty was perfectly grilled, the lettuce was crunchy and crisp, the tomatoes were a perfect compliment to all other parts of the burger, and the cheese was dericiously melty.

What made the burger, though, what MADE the burger was the bun and sauce. The bun was quality multigrain. Both sides were sweet and thick (Y’know how the bottom bun is usually thinner than the top? I think they used the top bun for both sides.), but they were light enough to easily chew through. The sauce was to DIE for, darling. There was some kind of sauce that I don’t remember (but it was grood) and BARBECUE sauze. If there’s one thing Gordy loves, it’s BARBECUE sauze. It’s just so tangy but sweet but spicy. It’s everything that makes America great. However, too much sauce is ALWAYS a bad thing. This burger hit it right in the sweet spot: not too much, not too little, just the right amount of sauze to make my tongue drool like a dog that can’t feel one side of its face.

Man, I want to go back.

The fries were just like the burger: classically done and qualit-tay. They were crunchy on the outside but soft and warm on the inside. My insides liked them.

So friends, if you’re ever on the BYU campus and you want to spend some quality time at a quality place with some quality food, eat The Wall.

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