Bahston pizza

Once upon a time in a place called America, there was a city on the east coast where free-blooded Americans and awful British people or, as they were known in that day, Tommy Redcoats, lived together. The Tommy Redcoats lived terribly happy lives, but only because they spent all the times oppressing the free-blooded Americans.

One day, the free-blooded Americans decided to do something to get rid of the Tommy Redcoats. They knew that the Tommy Redcoats really liked tea: they drank it for breakfast, lunch,dinner, and teatime. The free-blooded Americans thought that if they hid all of the Tommy Redcoats’ tea, they would leave for good.

So, on Christmas Eve when all the Tommy Redcoats were sleeping, the free-blooded Americans snuck into the Tommy Redcoats’ kitchens and took their tea. Then they ran to the local harbor and tossed the tea into the ocean so that the Tommy Redcoats could never find it.

When the Tommy Redcoats awoke in the morning, they went to have their morning spot-o-tea, but couldn’t find any. They looked in all their cupboards, but there was no tea to be found. So, they walked up to the American President and asked where they could find some more tea. He said, “Not here. Maybe in British England.”

So the Tommy Redcoats packed up all their things and moved back to England, leaving the free-blooded Americans to be freer and bolder than ever before.

This event came to be known as the Great Boston Tea Party and is still written about in American history books today.

Thankfully, the free-blooded Americans and the British (as they are known today) became best friends by means of a young ambassador named Harry Potter and fabulous garden parties between Thomas Roosevelt and Margerie Thatcher.

And that is how the city of Boston came to be world-famous.

Our very own Provo has a restaurant that honors this famous city’s cuisine: the Nicolitalia Pizzeria (or, as the younger generation calls it, the NCMO-italia Pizzeria … boom chicka chicka). I went to visit this landmark of Provo patriotism with an authentic person who once lived in Boston. It was a special special special special special special dinner time. And the person was a girl.

Here, everything is in Bostonian which, as my girl-person told me, means you put a really pronounced “A” sound in random words. So instead of “appetizers,” here’s it’s “appetizAHs,” instead of “paremesian,” it’s “pAHmesiAHn,” and the like.

Anyway, I asked the girl-person what we should eat and she, being the Bostonian she is, suggested we got the Nicolitalia Special. We got a large (14”) pizza and a side of breadsticks. The total was about $20 and there was definitely enough to fill both of us up.

The Nicolitalia Special is basically a combo pizza. Sausage, onions, peppAHroni, mushrooms, and peppAHs deck this pizza out. According the the girl I was with, these toppings make the signature Boston pizza. I’ll take her word for it. As far as I’m concerned, it was just a dAHn good pizza.


The sausage was just a tinge spicy, the onions were juicy and flavorful, the peppahs were fresh, and the peppahroni and mushrooms blended into the background, enhancing the flavor and texture of the overall pizza. Also, the crust was perfect: just a bit crisp on the outside, yet chewy and fluffy on the inside. Derng.

Proof that we ate it.

The sauce and cheese were also good. The sauce was flavorful, but there wasn’t too much of it (a good thing). It seems that the cheese’s primary purpose was to keep the toppings attached to the top of the pizza. There was just enough of it to cover the whole surface of the pizza, yet not so much that it wasn’t dripping from the pizza. Get out of town, Tommy Redcoats! America’s got this pizza under control!

The breadsticks were also good. They were all different, definitely made by hand at the restaurant, not some made-in-China box. Some were skinny, some were lumpy, some were skinny and lumpy. They were all very soft and chewy, definitely not as crisp as the pizza crust. We ordered the house sauce (a mix of marinara and ranch dip) to dip them into. It was a pleasurable experience.

In order to appreciate America’s rich heritage of not drinking tea and getting rid of people we don’t like, all free-blooded Americans must go here. The pizza’s real good and so are the NCMO’s boom chicka chicka.

2 Replies to “Bahston pizza”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *